卧槽,我当年为什么写出了这么妖孽的PS(内含个人陈述样板)

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为什么我要写一篇关于PS的文章

是因为

特么的

今天无意之中

翻到了曾经申请大学时的PS

卧槽

那叫一个矫情

那叫一个绞尽脑汁班门弄斧

洋洋洒洒一千多字

没看到一半

我整个人已实力懵逼

所以

现在想想看,特么的我当初到底是怎么被录取上的

无限心疼审阅我PS的admission老师

不说了,跪一个先!!!


 

带你们感受一下,我和我曾经找过的中介合作下的妖孽画风。这是第一段。

Creativity, tenacity,inspiration ,and passion are the four pillars of my life ,which ,I suppose, will be the very ones leading to my success. With passion so prevailing ,I preserve in it ;With passion so overwhelming,I fight for it .As our great leader Chairman Mao put it and I paraphrased it ,on the way where your passion takes you , if you fail ,you’ve got to try again and prepare yourself in any way possible and strive for the ultimate triumph. This is how I try to live the best life I can no matter how life baffles and frustrates me.


 

卧槽,读完之后,我尴尬癌晚期了好嘛!!!

真特么觉得自己是智障

我这特么都写了些什么当年就这么递交上去了

完全不知所云,刻意遣词造句,boring级别max,

宝宝心里苦啊,宝宝尬点被戳穿了,宝宝受不了这尬点唤醒的身体内的洪荒之力,

宝宝憋不住了,宝宝一定要说了!!!

 

第一段一共也就四句话,还特么全部是废话。

创意韧性灵感激情是我人生的四大支柱

因为内心的激情满的要溢出来了,所以我坚持并奋斗着

不忍直视的是,我还动用了我们的毛爷爷(先跪一个)!!!

关键是,这翻译水平,我也是完全想不起来是引用的毛爷爷哪句经典语录了!!!

最后以一句‘不管人生遇到怎样的挫折,我就是秉承这样的信念在努力过好这一生’结束第一段。

卧槽,翻译成中文之后我更想抽死我自己了。

这么多废话,特么关你申请这所学校这个课程有半毛钱关系?


 

好吧,其实爱说废话的也不仅仅只有曾经年幼无知的小助手一人,你们大多也有这个通病。

 

华威大学admission老师口中最忌讳的PS模板

之前机缘巧合碰到过华威大学的一个admission老师,然后就聊到了中国学生申请中的个人陈述PS这一环,聊到这里的时候老师的声调明显比之前高了,呵呵,眉毛都翘了一翘。

 

他说,‘我不知道其他学校是不是这样,我们华威大学貌似收到的来自中国申请者的PS 都很大程度上呈现出模式化的问题’。

 

总结下来,基本是这样。

 

第一段,介绍自己小时候的生长环境是怎么样的,我爸爸妈妈做的是什么工作,对我有啥帮助(学校内心OS:你小时候哪儿长大的,爸妈干啥的跟我们学校有啥关系?)


第二段,我在学校的成绩有多好多好,学过哪些课程(学校OS:你成绩怎么样,学了哪些课,我们在你递交的成绩单上度能看到呐,你应该跟我们说你学的东西以及你擅长的科目跟你今后的研究方向或者说未来想要学的课程和你未来规划的方向有什么关联?有哪些助力?又有哪些gap?)
PS:这个Gap指的就是你目前的知识跟你未来想学的东西之间还有哪些问题或者很难解决的问题或者之前从没想过的问题存在?比如,我现在学的是物流,我想要学酒店管理,那么怎么样在物流和酒店管理之间找到联系?比如酒店新鲜事物的冷链运输,或者是客房物品的采购着一些?


第三段, 我在学校参加过XXX社团,XXX活动(学校OS:跟你将来想来我们学校以及学的东西有啥关联?)

第四段, 我好好好爱英国,也好爱好爱你们学校(学校OS:……我们知道你们爱我们很爱英国……你跟人家也是那么说的吧……)

 

当时聊完的时候,也是实力尴尬,因为我记得在我PS的最后一段,就是写得我多么多么爱英国,多么多么想去你们学校!!!

 

呵呵呵呵呵呵呵呵


 

从外网扒了两篇Examples of Successful Statements,你们感受下。

 

Statement #1

 

My interest in science dates back to my years in high school, where I excelled in physics, chemistry, and math. When I was a senior, I took a first-year calculus course at a local college (such anadvanced-level class was not available in high school) and earned an A. It seemed only logical that I pursue a career in electrical engineering.

 

When I began my undergraduate career, I had the opportunity to be exposed to the full range of engineering courses, all of which tended to reinforce and solidify my intense interest in engineering. I'vealso had the opportunity to study a number of subjects in the humanities andthey have been both enjoyable and enlightening, providing me with a new anddifferent perspective on the world in which we live.

 

In the realm of engineering, I have developed a special interest in the field of laser technology and have evenbeen taking a graduate course in quantum electronics. Among the 25 or sostudents in the course, I am the sole undergraduate. Another particular interest of mine is electromagnetics, and last summer, when I was a technical assistant at a world-famous local lab, I learned about its many practical applications, especially in relation to microstrip and antenna design.Management at this lab was sufficiently impressed with my work to ask that Ireturn when I graduate. Of course, my plans following completion of my current studies are to move directly into graduate work toward my master's in science.After I earn my master's degree, I intend to start work on my Ph.D. inelectrical engineering. Later I would like to work in the area of research anddevelopment for private industry. It is in R & D that I believe I can makethe greatest contribution, utilizing my theoretical background and creativityas a scientist.

 

I am highly aware of the superb reputation of your school, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in attending. I know that, in addition to your excellent faculty, your computer facilities are among the best in the state. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution.



全文一共四段,一共368个字

第一段讲我会选择电气工程的简单粗暴的逻辑关系,一个是因为兴趣,一个是因为擅长。

第二段写兴趣和实力的加深,其实一步一步都是在讲,我为什么会选择这个领域这个项目。

第三段指出了自己想要研究的方向,以及为此,我现在所作出的努力,学业和职业规划。

最后一段,为什么我会选择你们学校和你们的项目。一环扣一环,条理清晰,表达顺畅,将自己的故事用最朴实的文字写出来,有自夸,但恰到好处,不矫情,也没煽情。



Statement #2

 

Having majored in literary studies (world literature) as an undergraduate, I would now like to concentrate on English andAmerican literature.

 

I am especially interested in nineteenth-century literature, women's literature, Anglo-Saxon poetry, and folk lore and folk literature. My personal literary projects have involved some combination of these subjects. For the oral section of my comprehensive exams,I specialized in nineteenth century novels by and about women. The relationship between "high" and folk literature became the subject for my honors essay, which examined Toni Morrison's use of classical, biblical, African, andAfro-American folk tradition in her novel. I plan to work further on this essay, treating Morrison's other novels and perhaps preparing a paper suitable for publication.

 

In my studies toward a doctoral degree, I hope to examine more closely the relationship between high and folk literature.My junior year and private studies of Anglo-Saxon language and literature havecaused me to consider the question of where the divisions between folklore,folk literature, and high literature lie. Should I attend your school, I wouldlike to resume my studies of Anglo-Saxon poetry, with special attention to itsfolk elements.

 

Writing poetry also figures prominently in my academic and professional goals. I have just begun submitting to the smaller journals with some success and am gradually building a working manuscript for acollection. The dominant theme of this collection relies on poems that draw from classical, biblical, and folk traditions, as well as everyday experience,in order to celebrate the process of giving and taking life, whether literal or figurative. My poetry draws from and influences my academic studies. Much of what I read and study finds a place in my creative work as subject. At the sametime, I study the art of literature by taking part in the creative process,experimenting with the tools used by other authors in the past.

 

In terms of a career, I see myself teaching literature, writing criticism, and going into editing or publishing poetry.Doctoral studies would be valuable to me in several ways. First, your teachingassistant ship program would provide me with the practical teaching experienceI am eager to acquire. Further, earning a Ph.D. in English and Americanliterature would advance my other two career goals by adding to my skills, bothcritical and creative, in working with language. Ultimately, however, I see the Ph.D. as an end in itself, as well as a professional stepping stone; I enjoy studying literature for its own sake and would like to continue my studies on the level demanded by the Ph.D. program.

 

全文5段,429个字,也是没超过500

第一段相对更为简单粗暴,我就是想申请英语语言和美国文化。

第二段为什么想申请这个专业,因为我感兴趣,然后用具体的实例阐述清楚自己感兴趣的点。第三段明确想要研究的方向。

第四段讲为什么会选择这个研究方向,和我学业职业规划的关联,以及我现在正在做的。

第五段讲职业规划及为什么要申请这个博士项目。

也是句句都在点子上,围绕着‘为什么我会选择这个项目’,没写半句废话。


 

牛津大学的个人陈述要求也很明确,PS的核心应该是为什么你觉得这个课程适合你,而不是写你的个人成就,和无关的一些兴趣和抱负:


 


申请这个课程的原因

实例证明你想研究这个领域的动机以及你对这个领域的理解

提出合理论证的能力

除了最基本的入学要求,你还能为这个项目做什么贡献(也就是为什么我们要选择你)

是否具有抗强压学习工作的能力

推理能力

和快速汲取抽象新概念的能力




KCL的官网直接限制了 PS数字,500字左右,为什么你要选择读这个硕士项目,读完之后的规划和你与这个课程相关的经历经验。



 

关于PS字数,真心觉得500字封顶了,特别是申请高峰期的时候,你觉得他们会有耐心

一个字一个字的读完?

 

呵呵呵呵呵

 

最后,

一定不要说废话,

一定不要为了写长句而写长句,

一定不要为了煽情而煽情,

就简简单单陈述自己的故事就好~~~

能打动人的,永远是真实的故事,而不是浮夸的文字

 

我为什么要写这篇文章,因为翻到自己之前的PS,太特么尴尬了,所以想让你们也尴尬下~~~小助手就是如此的任性和残忍,哇哈哈哈~~~


小助手微信号【ukxiaozhushou1】

需要报名中学or大学讲座或者投放二手货招聘信息租房信息的,都可以加我~~

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