一位美国妹子凭借一纸神文书斩获了五所藤校和斯坦福的offer!

<- 分享“美国留学中心”微信公众号到您的社交圈,让更多的人知道!

收藏文章 赞一个 已赞 2016-04-06 美国留学中心


学霸年年有,今年特别多!每年,总有那么一波大神在offer季时收获若干offer,羡煞旁人!今年也不例外~


就在上周,藤校放榜后,一位美国高中的妹子Brittany Stinson就凭借一纸神文书斩获了耶鲁、哥大、宾大、达特茅斯和康奈尔五所藤校的offer!除此之外,这位妹子还拿到了斯坦福的offer,要知道今年的斯坦福录取率仅为4.69%,比八所藤校还要低!


众所周知,常青藤名校的录取条件非常苛刻!其竞争程度也是日趋激烈,今年八所藤校中有六所学校录取率下跌!而妹子在这样的条件下仍然能够拿下录取率从13.96%到4.69%的名校,这足以说明她的实力!


说到这里,不少宝宝肯定特别好奇,到底什么样的essay有这么强的功力?


在这里,主页菌给你们帮各位宝宝们找到了妹子的文书,贴出来给大家学习下~


题目:

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.


正文:

Managing to break free from my mother's grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two- year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamon-sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrial-sized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco. 


Notorious for its oversized portions and dollar-fifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I’ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weight-loss supplements. Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sour cream? Was cultured yogurt any more well-mannered than its uncultured counterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity. 


While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the ‘all beef’ goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirty-three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia's workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52” plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory’s dedication; he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits – qualities I am compelled to admire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be more likeable–and tender.


I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. Just as I sampled buffalo-chicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, cross-country running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity that interests me in the slightest. 


My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what defines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficult to complacently accept the “what”; I want to hunt for the “whys” and dissect the “hows”. In essence, I subsist on discovery.


所以,看完以后,宝宝们知道这篇essay到底神在哪里了吗?


主页菌觉着这篇文书的特点总结起来共有三点:

1. 采用寻常小事作为切入点,以故事引入文章主题,可读性强。


2. 在寻常生活经验中体现自己的求知欲和探索欲。


3. 鲜活而真实地呈现出了自己的性格及特点。


那么,问题又来了,我也想写出一篇这样的神文书该怎么办呢?到底我们该如何将寻常的经历或故事组织成完美的语言来吸引招生官呢?


这也不是无章法可循的,前康奈尔大学的招生官Nelson根据多年阅读文书经验总结了五个essay写作的技巧,一起来看看~


1. 你需要一个有冲击力、有诱惑力的开头。

开头第一句话必须要能够引人入胜,试想一位招生官在阅读了很多份essay之后他可能已经昏昏欲睡了,这时候一个有迷惑性或冲击力的开头能够激起招生官好奇心、引导其继续阅读。


例如,Stinson的essay开头写了自己小时候去Costco(美国连锁超市品牌)的经历,看起来似乎平淡无奇,但是也让人想知道超市的经历到底会有什么独特。


2. 像勾勒一幅画一样叙述一个故事

在叙述故事的时候语言必须要有很强的可读性,让读者可以通过语言想象出你所说的场景或故事。灵活使用夸张、比喻等修辞手法。


例如,Stinson在文中用Costco来比喻现实世界,以小见大,既独特又很贴切。另外因为写的是日常的小事,其语言也很幽默好玩,很有吸引力。


3. 文章整体要有“暗线”

所有我们所讲的故事一定是有它潜在的目的的,这个能让读者呼之欲出的目的就是文章的“暗线”。通过描写自己的个人经历来传递自己从中学到的或收获的知识。


在Stinson的整篇essay中都埋藏了她非常有求知欲与探索欲的伏笔,从开始到最后她给自己的定位都是explorer,并且最后结合学校的学习和经历成功体现出自己对知识的渴望和热情!


4. 学会暗示

无论你的故事是成功的还是失败的都是在暗示招生官你如何成为了现在的自己。失败的经历让你更有经验,而成功的故事也告诉了招生官你是如何走到现在。


5. 适当地冒险

遵循常规的写作手法固然重要,但是有的时候别出心裁也是一种亮点。


Stinson没有使用一些正式的、严肃的或者是华丽的辞藻来描述自己的探索欲与求知欲,反而是用一些很通俗常见甚至非常生活化的语言拉近与读者的距离,这反而让她的形象更加鲜活。


好了,主页菌只能帮你们到这了,宝宝们自己去雕琢自己的essay去吧!



美国留学中心微信公众平台上的所有文章,除了标明文章来源的,其他所有内容皆为主页菌原创翻译或纯原创,禁止任何媒体及机构肆意抄袭!如果您感兴趣可在公众号回复#转载合作#

P.S.想加入美国留学中心粉丝群,需要先加主页菌WeChat:meiguoliuxuezhongxin,找战友、路友、基友…共同奔小康


推荐阅读:


《约翰霍普金斯大学招生老师的自白:我们喜欢什么样的Essay?附案例点评》-----回复#ESSAY#调取阅读


《今年我们听说的常春藤学霸》-----回复#学霸#调取阅读


《绝对干货 | 美国硕士申请那些事儿~》-----回复#美国硕士申请#调取阅读


《怎么申请美国博士?在美国读PhD是怎样的体验?》-----回复#美国博士#调取阅读


【美国留学中心】最齐全的美国留学资讯,最扯的美国新闻吐槽,最有用的留学攻略,为留学生和即将的留学生答疑解惑。

微信ID:usagogogo

投稿地址:2533137309@qq.com

点击展开全文