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After 16 Days

My painful IELTS story and how did I get through it

Hope this can help you :)

The pain

4 years ago, I lost my parent’s 50,000RMB. I borrowed their money to give to a teacher who promised me to help me get scholarships from the US..

I quit my job for a year, prepared for GRE test, 12-14 hours/day study

However, I got nothing but 7 admission letters.

I was cheated by the teacher.

I had never spent any of my parents $ after 18. Losing their money made me feel extremely guilty.

My mum used the most heartbreaking sentences you could imagine to guilt me

“ How can you be that stupid ? ”

“ Why you did not listen to me at the beginning”

the bomber

“ I regret to give birth to you”

Being my only family, her words made my heart bleeding. My dad abandoned me, my mum disliked me, no one loved me.

I thought I was a person who did not deserve people’s love.

Everyday,

I cried day and night, dictating myself “ I lost my parents’ money,I was useless, I shouldn't have done that .. ”

I would walk on the street, fantasising everyone was an evil, trying to kill me.

I told myself “ I screwed up everything, my mum doesnt love me. I’d better die”

After a daily fighting with my mum, I poured boiling water on my laps

One day, I stood on the balcony, 14th floor, imaging myself falling down on the ground, bang !!!!

My first reaction, it would hurt.

Second thought, I have soo many things that I LOVE but haven't done. That was the first awakening moment.

The second "aha moment" came from my stepfather. He told me I needed to be grateful for what I have and do things I LOVE. “ Your life is already the top 5% in the world, do you know that how many people who are disabled, suffer from poverty, hunger, and war? Why do you want to give up your life?do the thing that you LOVE”

So, I decided to fight for things I LOVE. applying for only one major Master of Teaching, only one university, Melbourne uni, in the city I LOVE. The requirement was band 7 in each module of IELTS. With only 6 in my writing, that was a ridiculous decision.

The fighting with the pain

The process of preparing for IELTS was torturing.

I had to fight with my depression and my mum’s complaints:

“ Stop fighting. You need to give up !”

“You will never achieve IELTS band 7. Do you think your score can increase from 6 to 7 in 2 months ? bla bla ..”

“ Applying for only one university in Australia but giving up 7 universities in the US. No one can be as stupid as you”

After my 3rd times writing 6, she said“ You need to give up NOW ! You always overestimate your ability !See how did you screw up your US application? You will end up having no thing, no job, no university, no friends”

Am I afard of not being able to pass ? Yes! I am a human being.

But I insanely LOVE Melbourne. Nothing can stop me.

The fighting started

I did following activities.

Pretended I had given up but secretly studying the test to calm my mum
Got up at 6 am, went to bed at 10 pm, turned off the light, making my mum believe I was asleep but kept studying in the dark.
Accepted the disappointment of seeing a band 6 every Friday.
Lived with the fear of screwing up the test again as I did with my US application.

The end

Life proved this Proverb: Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.-Lance Armstrong

16 days after my 3rd attempt, I gave myself the last chance. Either getting a 7 or not coming to Australia at all. Fight for flight !

The miracle happened.

My writing reached 7 in only 16 days. I still remembered F* vividly when I saw my score on the computer screen.

I cried.. they are joyful tears. The joy but not release, the emotion that is deeper than happiness,peaceful than excitement, profound than rewarded.Actually, every time I wrote to this point, I had tears in my eyes, smile on my face.

I think these tears are what have been supporting me doing this online course. I want to see these joyful tears on your faces, wanted to help you stop the pain.

How did I make the 16 days miracle ?

LOVE IELTS and believe

“Pain is Temporary”

Why LOVE this F* test ?

This is not a cliche, lip service but something that I learnt from my experience of fighting with depression, hopelessness,the distrust from my families and friends.

Without the LOVE for Melbourne, I wouldn't have the faith to give up 7 admission letters in the US;

wouldn't have the persistence to keep seeking for strategies after failing the test 3 times; wouldn't have the audacity/ braveness to continue to stay jobless.

If you hate something, you feel miserable instead of excited; feel sth is draining you rather than lifting you up. How can you pass the test in this way?

But I am experiencing these shit feeling !

How to LOVE IELTS?

Ask yourself these questions

“ What like long skills I will gain from this test”

“ How this skill will make my life better?”

F* all the PR stuff. It cannot motive you.Not one is excited about the paper but the life after it.

Do you want to stop being silent while your local friends are chatting ?

stop worrying about grammar mistakes in your essays or emails ?

After passing IELTS, What university will you study, job will you have, city will you live in ?

This is what IELTS gave to me.

The 16 days from 6 to 7 experience gave me the courage to face other “ impossibilities” in my life.

I had the courage to F* off 9-5 jobs. starting the first online IELTS course in Chinese market ;to be the first Chinese teacher to do an English version course; to test all tools that might or might not help my students.

So, treat IELTS test is an opportunity to cultivate your “ resilience” “ perseverance” “ patience”. Not everyone has the special event to strengthen those qualities.

If you think the test is “ for” me not “ to” me,for making me a better person, you will feel more relaxed, less stressed and your productivity will increase.

What if I still cannot LOVE this test ?

Repeat this: Pain is temporary

Whenever you want to give up, tell yourself “ Pain is temporary”

Use this new thought to replace your current “ I suck at IELTS”.

Human beings like running similar mental loop in our minds so we have to use new ones to replace old ones.

Believe that no matter how many times you have failed

next time, you will pass it !!

I have a student who failed 8 times but passed it after 4 weeks in my course

I have a student who achieved 8 in 4 weeks.

I have a student who already wanted to give up applying for her dream university. But last month, she achieved 7.5.

The successful stories go on and on ..

This “pain is temporary thought” also helped me in the most miserable period of creating this course.

I had lived the life with only 70$ in my bank;slept 7 days in the library to revise the course; spent a month on creating the online quizzes with zero programming knowledge myself

spent a month on optimising the mobile app only to save my students time

But I believed pain is temporary

I believed sincerely sharing values , seeking for better solutions will stop your pain.

Last month, we reached 80% passing rate. 10 students took the course, 8 passed. I was the only one who knew the tears and struggles in achieving this.

But when you told me the mobile app has saved you tons of time,

when you told me you liked the online quizzes,

when you read your band 7+

All the pain became " fruit" to me :)

You are the " Why" of my life.

To make you feel much better, I am providing you

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