立意新颖的文书,令普通高中女孩斩获5所藤校Offer(附文书中英文)

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本周妈妈圈微信课堂预告:

4月15日(星期五)晚八点,“我把孩子送到美国顶尖大学”家长分享课堂四

演讲人:单浩舫 妈妈,儿子Tom 今年被芝加哥大学录取,毕业于大连二十四中。参与方法,详见牛娃爸妈分享系列:我把孩子送进了美国顶尖大学



上周各大名校陆续发榜,美国社交网络上也是一片沸腾,有人欢喜有人忧。据统计,藤校录取率今年再创新低,精英大学真是越来越不好进了。咱们先来一起看看这些数据,有个直观印象吧。

大学名称

2015年录取率

2016年录取率

布朗大学

8.49%

9%

哥伦比亚大学

6.1%

6.04%

康奈尔大学

14.9%

13.96%

达特茅斯学院

10.3%

10.52%

哈佛大学

5.33%

5.2%

宾夕法尼亚大学

9.9%

9.4%

耶鲁大学

6.49%

6.27%

根据以上数据可以看出,除了布朗大学和达特茅斯学院,另外6所藤校的录取率都有所降低。随着竞争愈演愈烈,想在众多优秀的申请者中脱颖而出,恐怕只有优秀的GPA和SAT还远远不够,如何能通过别出心裁的文书来令录取官印象深刻也许才是重中之重。

来自美国东部特拉华州Concord High School的女孩Brittany Stinson就凭借着令人眼前一亮的文书获得了耶鲁大学、哥伦比亚大学,宾夕法尼亚大学,达特茅斯学院及康奈尔大学共五所藤校的录取。除此之外,录取率仅有4.69%的斯坦福大学、约翰霍普金斯大学、西北大学、纽约大学和波士顿大学也向她抛来了橄榄枝。

Brittany Stinson所在的Concord High School并非知名高中,在Niche的评分是B+,排名在特拉华州是12。但Stinson本人是高中毕业班中最优秀的,连续四年排名年级第一,GPA 4.0,加上AP课程及其它荣誉课程后的加权GPA是4.9,还被选为毕业生代表在毕业典礼上致告别辞。除了英语,她还能流利运用葡萄牙语和西班牙语。2015年夏天,Stinson曾参加麻省理工学院的STEM项目,选修了天体物理学和科学写作两门课程。

尽管已经如此优秀,Stinson依然清楚地了解到为了在众多拥有类似GPA、课外活动和SAT的申请者中脱颖而出,她的文书必须不走寻常路。“如果仅仅按照传统的套路来,我很可能泯然众人。而这篇围绕着Costco写出来的文书无论录取官是喜欢还是厌恶,至少我觉得这会是一篇令人印象深刻的文书。”结果证明,Stinson的判断是对的,这篇将幽默调侃的笔触融入其中,又彰显出热爱探索特质的文章为她拿到了众多顶尖大学的录取通知书。

下面是这篇文章的中英对照,供大家参考。

Managing to break free from my mother's grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubbylegs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two­ year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother's eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamon­-sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe atthe massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrial­sized freezers, to exploreevery crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked awayinto a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed theexpanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco.

为了摆脱妈妈的钳制,我一进Costco就冲出去了。所以,周六早上在Costco里横冲直撞、精力旺盛、连四肢都管不住的那个两岁小女孩就是我了。看见我把churro(西班牙油条)扔出去,妈妈的眼睛都恐惧地瞪大了。肉桂糖的甜甜圈也随着我的狂欢在空中划过。我在过道上冲刺短跑,饱含敬畏地看着那些远远高于我的成山堆叠着的货物。我真是对这些太好奇了,我想去碰触和品尝,想把脑袋伸进巨大的冰箱中,想去探索每一个缝隙。我就是一个征服者,不过不是去征服传说中的黄金国,而是扫荡过道中的免费试用品。当然,最终我还是被妈妈抓进了购物车里,但在此之前我已经丈量了这个矗立在我面前的广阔世界:Costco王国。

Notorious for its oversized portions and dollar-­fifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of food stuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I've developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weight-­loss supplements.Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sourcream? Was cultured yogurt any more well­-mannered than its unculturedcounterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.

因超大分量和1.5美金的热狗套餐而臭名昭著,Costco简直是消费主义的巅峰。从我还是个只能待在购物车里的小女孩时起,直至我高到能够着试用品托盘,Costco一直在我的生活中不可或缺。作为一个老练的Costco买家,我能迅速将食物定位,选一辆与我的小身板匹配的巨大购物车,然后把我大部分的重量倾注其上。后来,我又养成了一个新习惯:观察周围的顾客,看他们把冷冻的墨西哥卷饼、芝士泡芙、几桶冰淇淋和减肥药统统塞进购物车里。在过道上的详细考察,让我有时间去思索:谁会需要三磅重的酸奶油?发酵酸奶比普通酸奶更好吃吗?Costco滋生了我无穷无尽的好奇心。

While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the 'all beef' goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined usesfor tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from aneighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawnyseventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists athirty-­three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarityof inertia's workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losingcontrol until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column,52" plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked haminevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson's controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory's dedication;he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits - qualities I am compelled toadmire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be morelikeable-and tender.

当享受着超市的热狗时,我想的不是Costco鼓吹的“全牛肉”卖点,而是在考虑有限与无限,考虑酸奶油的其它用法,比如当酸奶油桶被从80英尺高的货架上扔出来或者从瘦骨嶙峋17岁顾客疾驰的购物车中挤出来时所进行的抛物运动。有时我在思考更哲学化的问题:在三盎司的巧克力酱面前,我们还有真正的自由意志吗?我还在Costco上过一堂物理课。一个顾客似乎并不熟悉惯性这回事:她的购物车塞得满满当当,可她还是在下斜坡出口处不停地推啊推,最后购物车果然失去控制,狠狠地撞向一根水泥柱、一台52寸等离子电视和其它好多货品。而另一次购买胡桃木烟熏火腿的经历则引发了我和父亲之间关于Andrew Jackson(美国第七任总统,外号“老胡桃木”)的争论。Jackson总统的历史贡献是毋庸置疑的,他对自己的信仰和追求是如此的坚定,那是一种我特别仰慕的品质。然而,这不能掩盖他的道德是有很大瑕疵的。无论如何,我和父亲还是达成了一致意见,胡桃木烟熏火腿比“老胡桃木”总统更讨人喜欢,也柔软得多。

I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors.Just as I sampled buffalo­-chicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed therealms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart-oneoverflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. Isampled calculus, cross­-country running, scientific research, all of which arenow household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb thewarehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga,learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, ordancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity thatinterests me in the slightest.
运用这些在Costco里得到的探索技能,我努力去开发自己的智能。正如我尝试布法罗鸡蘸料和松露巧克力,我在历史、舞蹈和生物的领域中进行着同样的探究,这种感觉就像是在寻找一辆理想的购物车,里面充满了既有趣又严肃的理论和概念。我去尝试微积分、越野跑和科学研究。而似乎因为有了这样一辆购物车在手,我敢于去挑战那些令我恐惧的事情,Costco就仿佛囊括了整个世界。无论是尝试空中瑜伽,还是学习如何利用天文软件绘制黑体辐射,或者是在几百人前面跳舞,对于任何感兴趣的事情我都义无反顾。

My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what definesme. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at acellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficultto complacently accept the "what"; I want to hunt for the"whys" and dissect the "hows". In essence, I subsist ondiscovery.

强烈的求知欲和对超越理性思考边界的探索,共同造就了今天的我。是Costco将无穷无尽的好奇心植入到我每一个细胞中。如今,在陷入到未知领域时,我已经无法满足于仅仅接受“这是什么”,我想去搜寻“为什么”、去解析“怎么做”。事实上,探索成了我的立身之本。





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