The production and transport of food has been heavily influence by modern technology. To what extent do you think this is a positive development? 

It is clear that technology advances has brought us numerous benefits to agricultural industry. I personally believe that we should objectively view the influences of modern technology involvement in producing and delivering food. While it has benefits, the negative aspects should not be neglected by us as well.

[advances]: Advances用复数通常表示“设法接近,套近乎,献殷勤”,这时暗含不正当或不适当的意味

[agricultural industry]: Food Industry

 
You should give a clear position in the introduction regarding this task. I rewrite your last two sentences in the introduction to make it MORE clear.

While I accept that applying new technology in food production and distribution might have adverse impact, I believe it bring more good than harm.

If you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, then you should write “disadvantages” first, and then write “advantages”.

 
Advanced biotechnology has significantly contributed to the progress of food production. Genetically-modified products are proven to have overwhelming advantages against ordinary crops. After being tested in weightless condition in outer space experiments, those genetic modification can enable crops to be persistent to insects and diseases, and increase certain products’ ability to survive in extreme climate conditions, such as droughts and floods. As a result, the food yield has been raised greatly.
[persistent]: I believe the word is “resistant”

[product]:produce

[ability]:youmisuse the word

[]:Why don’t you just say “crops yieldscould increase even in some area with inferior soil quality”

At the same time, technology has also played an essential role to improve the food transportation. Refrigeration technology and airplanes has largely improved the preservation quality and shortened the geographical distances between the demand and supply of fruits and vegetables. It enables people that live in areas with seasonal weather constraints to have easy access to fresh food all year round. Advanced technology has also improved the logistics and supply chain systems, resulting in a lower costs of delivery that brings down the prices of food for the public.

[]: sides

[lower]:why lower? You have to explain it. Cozsome people including myself may think it increase the price, right? thewatermelon from other countries in winter would be more expensive, right? butthere is no right or wrong ideas as long as you can support it with properexplanations.

 
I help you to rewrite the above paragraph, the progression got much improved and it would be much easier to understand. It’s not perfect, but it’s good enough for band 7.

At the same time, majority of people could benefit from variety of foods thanks to the improved transport infrastructure and food handling technology. In particular, air transportation enables us to distribute food worldwide within a very short period of time which we might not have imagined before. Plus, refrigeration technology ensures freshness of foods, such as fruits and seafood. For example people who live inland could have fresh seafood in their daily meals because of faster food distribution and advanced storage technology.
 
On the other hand, some drawbacks are attached along with the benefits offered by technology advances. For example, genetically-modified food poses potential threats to people’s health. Despite it is claimed to be safe, such genetic mutation has not been tested and justified by scientific researches to be 100% harmless. Secondly, food that from other regions can break and disrupt the balance of local economy and destroy local agricultural industry to some extent. – Don’t put two ideas in one paragraph.

[]:Advancedtechnologies

 
In a nutshell, advanced technology has pros and cons on food production and transport. It is, therefore, recommended that we should not neglect there corresponding problems when we are enjoying the benefits.

[]:Thoseconsequences

TR: 6 – give a clear position in the introduction. Read the comments above. You don’t need a long introduction, but you do need an accurate introduction. Your ideas are not bad, just they are sometimes hard to follow.

CC: 6 – read the comment I put after your first paragraph. You should put negative side first, and then talk about positive (the side you agree MORE). This structure gives you a better progression of your essay. You should also have one clear central idea within each paragraph. Clearly, there is no clear central idea in 2nd last paragraph, and you also break the rule of “one idea per paragraph”. Don’t do that.

LR: 6 – read my comments on your first essay. You misuse lots words. Do you know the different between “product” and “produce” as a noun? Do you know how to use “ability”?
Produce, product, production
这三个词都有“产品”的意思。其区别是：
produce是农产品、天然产物或工业产品的总称,是不可数名词; product指任何体力劳动或脑力劳动所产生的东西,一般多指工业品 ,它的含义比produce广,是可数名词; production指生产的动作或产量,也指生产的结果,特指诗歌、雕刻、绘画等文学艺术作品。例如:
Our chefs use only the freshest produce available. 我们的厨师只用现有最新鲜的农产品。
Among the products of the factory are tractors, ploughs and lorries.这家工厂的产品包括拖拉机、犁和卡车。
We must increase the production of eggs.我们必须增加鸡蛋的产量。
This is a production of genius.这是一部天才的作品。

Ability
ability的基本意思是泛指人做各种事情的“能力”。可以指体力方面的,也可以指智力方面的，有时还指法律上的能力;可以是生来就有的生理功能,也可以是后天通过实践学得的。作此解时仅指能力而不涉及能力的高低,只用单数形式。ability指“智力,技能”时用作可数名词,且常用于复数形式。ability也可指“聪明,智慧”，这时用作不可数名词。单独用ability或abilities时除带后置修饰语或有上下文提示者外，一般都指智力。
ability, capability，capacity，talent，genius，ingenuity
这组词都可表示“个人的能力”。其区别是：
1.ability指人表现出来的实际能力,即做事或行动的能力;
capacity用于物时指容纳能力,用于人时指潜在的能力,尤指接受能力、领悟性、敏感度等,接of短语时还含有除必需的技能外还须具有做某事的意志或力量的意味;
capability指从事某项工作或达到某一目的所必需的才能；
talent表示做某事的特殊才能；
ingenuity表示设计发明的能力；
genius表示天赋的高度才智，在本组词中语义最强。
2.ability指先天具备的或后天习得的能力；
capability指天生的或潜在的能力；
talent和genius都指天资，但talent含有这种天资可在训练或使用中不断成熟或完善的意思，而genius表示的高度才智则是不需努力而与生俱来的。
3.ability和talent主要用于人；capability几乎专用于人; capacity可以用于人,也可以用于物。
4.ability后常接介词at, in, for或动词不定式; capability后常接介词of, for; talent后常接介词for。

错句：small but significant changes would enhance the overall ability of the land to hold more game.
纠正：small but significant changes would make it possible for the land to hold more game.
翻译：微小但有意义的变化会使陆地可能留有更多的野生动物。
分析：因陆地（land）不可能具备人的能力。

GRA: 7 – your basic sentence-making skill is good. Avoid any grammar mistakes. I guess you should be fine in this criterion.

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