中国烤鸭4个7的通过率始终只在1%左右,不想拿7的,就不要进来了

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当雅思届名师数量如雨后春笋般增长的时候,中国烤鸭们47的通过率始终在1%左右保持不变。“越上课、分越低”的情况屡见不鲜。“名师”范文看的越多,你的写作成绩就越容易固定在6.5。下面这两位同学都是卡在写作、屡考不过,在图南英语被成功“洗脑”后,果断放弃“名师”套路,立刻拿到47



今天我们用“雅思”考试的标准带大家欣(wei)赏(guan)一篇国内当红8.5“名师”给出满分范文。为了避免主观印象,请各位拉到底部看一下原文,自行阅读打个分先。。。



看完了?那我们分析一下这篇文章到底怎么样?

第一段


1. Some people are concerned with young people’s overuse of computers and mobile phones for communicating purposes as this behavior may negatively affect their reading and writing skills.


翻译:年轻人为了沟通目的而去使用手机和电脑,有些人对于他们过度使用这些设备表示担心,因为这种做法会对他们的阅读和写作造成不良影响


×槽点:英文不是中文,没有“为了目的”这种表达。您的英语是体育老师教的吧?

√正确表达学起来for the purpose of或者for communication就可以了。


2. I think these young people may lose some of these skills if they use these devices improperly


翻译:我认为,如果这些年轻人不当地使用这些设备,可能会丧失这些技能当中的一些


×槽点:英文当中代词使用很要小心,一不小心老师也会犯错呢~ 文中出现了“these skills”请问老师是是指哪些技能?哦,你说的是那个能做那个什么的技能吧?


本段综合:作者用了improperly替换overuse;用lose替换negatively affect。中国老师会告诉你:“同学们记住啦,这叫词汇替换。BUT实质上用意思相近的词互相解释,就好比用“我”解释“自己”。而√正确的展开方式是,“我”解释为“那个背了范文还没有考过的学渣”OK?所以,再声明一下!这位老师的用法叫做同义句转换,也叫做车轱辘话。是街坊大妈聊天利器。eg:“姑娘,你都这么大了,怎么还不嫁人啊?再不嫁人你就老了,你就嫁不出去了!”



第二段


1. Being addicted with phones and computers for casual chatting is time-consuming, which results in less time for reading.


翻译:变成对电话、电脑闲聊上瘾是非常耗时的,这就导致了读书的时间减少了。


×槽点:作者你在写这句的时候没有觉得哪里不对劲咩?我知道你想说的可能是“(用电脑)聊天上瘾是很耗时的”,可是你写粗来的是“想要对手机、电脑上瘾需要很长时间”。来来来,你对电脑上个瘾给我看看,就!现!在!另外√不知道addicted后面跟to的大家可以google一下。


姨~所以这句的逻辑关系是?哦,对了,你妈让我告诉你,她现在花很多时间关注股票,所以跳广场舞的时间就减少了呢!听上去是不是很有道理呢!!!


2. Some young addicts spend hours chatting with their friends, which takes up their reading time and gradually leads to the loss of interest in reading.


翻译:一些年轻“瘾君子”每天花很多小时在跟朋友聊天上,这占用了他们的阅读时间并且导致他们逐渐对阅读失去兴趣。


×槽点:some young addicts = 瘾君子,老师,您不出本字典我们还真不知道您在讲什么啊!真让人猜不透啊!


这句的逻辑是不是有点眼熟?像不像小学时候跟老师说的话?“老师,因为我昨天扶老奶奶过马路,所以就没时间写作业了,所以今天就不想来上学了



3. Then, their reading skills will be degraded.


翻译:然后,他们的阅读能力就会下降。


×槽点:据说正常人类在学会骑自行车的技能之后,一辈子都不会忘。。。原来我不正常。。。不正常。。不正常。。。


√正确用法学起来:同学们请注意skills 不可以被degraded,environment可以——environment is degraded;如果说skills叫做“lose skills”


本段综合:

给大家解释一下作者的神逻辑吧——在那山滴那边海滴那边,有这么一群人,生命中只有两件事:就是聊天和读书。最近有些人发疯般地喜欢上了电脑和手机,每天花很多时间跟朋友聊天(手机:喂喂,我才是真爱啊,忘记你的朋友吧)~最终,这导致了他们读书的时间越来越少,并且对读书逐渐丧失兴趣。最后,他们变成了文盲。。。


第三段


1. Another negative effect is on writing skills.


翻译:另一个负面影响是在写作能力方面。


2. As some young people have become used to a kind of lazy language which consists of inaccurate spelling and wrong grammar, they might use this casual-communication-based language for formal writing unconsciously.


翻译:年轻人使用的懒散的语言通常有不准确的拼写和错误的语法,当他们习惯了使用这种语言,他们会不自觉的将这种闲聊式的语言使用到正式场合当中。


×槽点:有道字典落伍了,lazy language根本查不出来。wrong grammar=错误的语法,呃,您是要改语法书是么?其实我一直觉得不要语法会更好。“consist of”用的不对本意应该是指构成eg:“This national flag consists of a variety of elements representing the rich culture of the country.”举个栗子解释一下,人的嘴里有一口白牙,有牙床,有舌头,可以用consist of;您牙上有一片韭菜叶,就不要用构成了,回去刷刷牙就没了。另外,“unconsciously”指的是昏迷,请自行脑补中国大学生认真学习毛邓三的样子。


3. As a result, their writing appears unacceptable and unprofessional in many formal settings.


翻译:这就导致了他们的写作变得不能被接受,而且在正式场合显得很不专业。


×槽点:在电影Terminal里面第一次学到unacceptable这个词,里面机场工作人员大手一挥:“你的签证unacceptable!”对这个场景记忆深刻,请问美国政府管的这么宽么?写个错别字都不让?



整段点评:虽然手机电脑已经是真爱了,但这段似乎没他们什么事儿,那么问题来了,题目到底问的是什么呢?

第四段


1. Of course, for those who know how to take advantage of these kinds of communication tools, there might be fewer negative effects.


翻译:当然,对于那些知道如何去使用这些沟通工具的人来说,缺点可能会少一些。


×槽点:请问是跟五毛去比么?他们的确是使用工具破坏沟通的人啊。老师高见!



2. Some young users smartly use the devices to work with their teams on their school projects.

翻译:一些年轻使用者在明智地使用着这些设备,当他们在学校的研究项目中和他们的队员一起工作的时候。


×槽点:smartly use,用的漂亮,请大家记住这句万用的话:一些年轻人smartly use别人的论文,一些罪犯smartly use系统上的漏洞,一些工人smartly use身边的工具。如果你不想回答别人的提问,就告诉他们万事万物皆可以smartly use,你用不好是因为你不够smart。


3. During the process, they share and discuss useful reading materials for their essays or proofread one another’s writings.


翻译:在这个过程中,他们分享和讨论对于他们论文有用的阅读材料,或者他们自动检查彼此写的东西。


×槽点:process的定义是:A series of actions, changes, or functions bringing about a result。明白了吧?任何一个process都要有行为、改变,或是各种不同的功能构成,用手机给别人发一篇文章就叫过程,这有点过了哈。


4. The communication tools in this case can contribute to better literacy skills.


翻译:在这个情况下,这些沟通工具能够帮助他们实现更好的文学能力。


整段点评:good for nothing 已无力吐槽


第五段


1. To conclude, if computers and mobile phones are heavily used for activities like chatting, it is possible that the overuse will adversely affect young people’s reading and writing skills.


翻译:总结一下,如果人们过度使用电脑和电话在一些类似于聊天的活动中,过度使用是很有可能对年轻人阅读和写作技巧产生不好影响的。


×槽点:很多用法的错误,会教坏小朋友的。heavily used是指耗材,比如公路,眼睛什么的,用得多了会导致物件磨损。而这种耗损和过度使用所带来的后果是不相关的。一个是对物件的损害,一个是对使用者的损害。


2. On the other hand, the proper use of these communication tools may present a positive effect.


翻译:从另外一方面说,适当地使用这些沟通工具会带来积极的影响。


×槽点:positive effect可以是所有好的影响,这里应该总结说对哪些方面带来了好的影响。


原文欣赏


Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has had a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Some people are concerned with young people’s overuse of computers and mobile phones for communicating purposes as this behavior may negatively affect their reading and writing skills. I think these young people may lose some of these skills if they use these devices improperly.


Being addicted with phones and computers for casual chatting is time-consuming, which results in less time for reading. Some young addicts spend hours chatting with their friends, which takes up their reading time and gradually leads to the loss of interest in reading. Then, their reading skills will be degraded.


Another negative effect is on writing skills. As some young people have become used to a kind of lazy language which consists of inaccurate spelling and wrong grammar, they might use this casual-communication-based language for formal writing unconsciously. As a result, their writing appears unacceptable and unprofessional in many formal settings.


Of course, for those who know how to take advantage of these kinds of communication tools, there might be fewer negative effects. Some young users smartly use the devices to work with their teams on their school projects. During the process, they share and discuss useful reading materials for their essays or proofread one another’s writings. The communication tools in this case can contribute to better literacy skills.


To conclude, if computers and mobile phones are heavily used for activities like chatting, it is possible that the overuse will adversely affect young people’s reading and writing skills. On the other hand, the proper use of these communication tools may present a positive effect.


————————无理取闹的分割线———————


一遍看下来是不是感觉这位8.5达人写的非常高大上,可仔细分析下来,这篇文章实为6-6.5的水平?由于英语不是大家的母语,学生们最容易因为看不懂而被忽悠错误的方法、低分的范文、冒充的考神、无用的技巧、不仅浪费时间,还使成千上万的烤鸭就这么陷入了“越学越考不过”的死循环。


总而言之:跟“名师”学雅思 包您热恋一万年!


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