来自哈佛大学的5道思考题,让孩子学会反思生活

2017年04月22日 美国留学那点事


文/Richard J. Light
来源:北美家长频道(USAJiaZhang)


这篇文章出自纽约时报专栏作者——Richard J. Light. 之手。他提供了5道简单的思考题,却是解决大多数困扰的捷径。可以自己收藏或是转给孩子,在觉得茫然的时候,用来检视这段时间自己究竟有没有偏离轨道。

Richard J· Light是纽约时报的专栏作者,就职于哈佛大学,在多年执教生活里,他经常问学生们一个问题,如果你有机会当一天大学学院院长,你会做出哪项可操作的改变,来提升校园生活体验?

早几年,学生会说「调整历史课程」或「改变实验室的结构」,但这几年学生们的回答让他大开眼界,出现了一种截然不同的态度,他们更关心,如何学会明智地生活

困扰他们的问题包括但不限于:怎样才算是好的生活?怎样才算是有成效的生活?怎样才算是幸福的生活?如果这些答案彼此冲突,我将如何看待这些观念?如何利用我的大学时光为这些棘手的问题逐渐找到答案?

其实当我们去反思自己的生活的时候,这样的转变,也是存在的。作为成年人,我们也不仅仅局限于眼下的状态,而是接受了必须终身学习的设定,也希望能有一些科学有效的方式,来帮助我们反省和规划自己的生活。


但大多数时候,都收效甚微,因为我们总是没有足够的时间和定力,最重要的是缺少一个契机去做深度思考,从而总结出一套能够让自己信服并去实践的东西。



不过,美国的一些高校已经在尝试给学生提供机会,来帮助他们解决这些问题。


比如哈佛大学就由一小群教师和院长创建了一个不计入学分的研讨会,名为「反思你的生活」(Reflecting onYour Life)。


它的形式很简单:以12名一年级学生为一组,在教师、顾问或院长带领下,进行三次90分钟的讨论会。据说每年有超过100名学生参加。

下面这五个练习是学生们觉得特别有效的。每个练习都旨在帮助学生识别自己的目标,系统地反思个人生活的各个方面,并将他们的发现与他们在大学里实际所做的事情联系起来。

对热爱学习与自我探索的家长来说,这5个思考题,同样很有用。


1、一份清单


1.首先请列出一张清单,说明希望自己则断时间怎么度过,什么事情对自己来说特别重要。


学习/上课/阅读/做义工/健身......


2.然后列出过去一周,你实际是怎么安排和使用时间的,并对两份清单进行比较。


3.最后,是最重要的环节,好好想一想,实际上所花费的时间跟你的目标是否相符?


有些人发现两份清单之间有很大的重叠。但大多数人,却将大量的时间花在了做那些他们认为并不重要的活动上:在社交网站上看各种无用的好几手信息、刷剧、漫无目的浏览网站.....


这样一个小小的问题,帮助很多学生意识到了自己的焦点缺失和时间管理问题


作为成人来讲,可以更深入地运用这种方式分析问题。


每天睡前,花一点时间复盘这一天的生活,最好可以精确到分,来记录自己一天是怎么度过的,大块的时间都用在了哪些事情上。大多数人可能觉得不用复盘也知道自己的时间花在了哪,一天过得认真又努力。


但事实上,用时间统计记录过真实的时间花销后,就会发现对自己的了解还停留在表面,你以为自己非常自由而且良好的安排了时间,数据却告诉你,习惯对行为影响的比列超乎你想象。


而这个清单or复盘思考,挑战的是,要你由此总结出该如何调整自己对时间的使用,使之更符合你的个人信念。


2、怎么度过业余时间


很多学生在面临主修课程的选择时,觉得困难重重,无从下手。


Richard小组里一个学生就很难在政治和科学课程之间做出选择。当被问到被问到是如何度过自己的业余时间时,她描述了自己在政治学院的活跃表现,担任模拟联合国的负责人,定期在《政治评论》(The PoliticalReview)上发表文章。


当控制讨论进程的主持人指出,她在自己的总结里没有提到「实验室」这个词。


她起初有点懵,不是讨论业余生活么?跟实验室有什么关系?不过讨论结束后半个小时,主持人收到了她的邮件,来感谢他提出这个问题。


成年人也如此,当无法确定自己的兴趣和热情在哪里的时候,就深究一下自己的业余时间都干嘛了,自己最乐意把时间花在哪里,做哪些事情的时候,你觉得满足?然后挪出时间给你真正重视的事物。


著有《创意人的组织方法》一书的桃乐丝·兰库尔指出:“如果你说某件事对你的生活很重要,你却不花时间在上面,那么你就需要改变你所谓的价值观,或者改变你运用时间的方式。”


3、专业还是全能


在哈佛““反思你的生活””小组里,这一项练习被Richard称为广度对深度。


也就是,你是希望极度擅长某一件事,还是比较擅长很多事?


学生可以从中思考该如何组织安排自己的大学生活,从而坚定地走上自己选择的道路。



我们在生活中遇到兴趣冲突的时候也不妨问问自己,我是想在一个领域里深度钻研,还是比较倾向于横跨多个领域,做个“斜杠青年”?


也许有人奉劝你,只能热爱一件事,不然人生注定失败。但其实,做兴趣选择的时候,想成为一个有很多爱好的“文艺复兴人”也未尝不可,就像吃四种组合的冰激凌一样,你想尝试就去尝试,只是每件事都一定要给足够的专注度。


4、25个词


在“反思你的生活”小组,核心价值练习中,主持人会给学生们看一张纸,上面大概写了25个词,包括「尊严」、「爱」、「声名」、「家庭」、「优秀」、「财富」和「智慧」等等。等等。让他们圈出最能描述他们核心价值的五个词。


然后,主持人主持人问,如果你的核心价值相互冲突,你可能会如何应对?


学生们觉得这个问题特别难回答。一个学生提出了自己的难题:他想当外科医生,但也想有个大家庭。所以他的核心价值包括「有用」和「家庭」。


他说,他很怀疑自己能否同时做一名成功的外科医生和一名专注的父亲。这个例子学生们讨论了很长时间,因为很多人觉得自己面临类似的挑战。


成年人的生活也不外如是,但我们可能会抗拒这个练习,自认已经很了解自己的道德与原则,做这样的价值观审视无异于浪费时间。


但事实上,每个阶段我们珍视和看重的不一样,排位有先后区别,年轻时可能在意学习成就/职业发展、外界肯定、金钱,年长一些兴许看重安全感、家庭、生理健康、尊重与爱等等,这些考量和选择,能让你发现自己价值观和现实生活取舍之间的矛盾,从而有助于你剥离掉困扰,轻装上阵。


5、一个寓言


这项练习给出了一个寓言故事:


一名快乐的渔夫在一个小岛上过着简单的生活。他每天花几个小时捕一点鱼,卖给朋友们,剩下的时间跟妻儿共享天伦之乐或者小睡。他一点都不想改变自己放松自在的生活。


我们把这个寓言稍微改一下:一名刚毕业的工商管理硕士探访了这个小岛,很快就看出这名渔夫能如何致富。他可以捕更多鱼,开个公司,推销鱼,开个罐头厂,甚至可以上市。最终他会变得非常成功。他可以把鱼捐给世界各地饥饿的孩子,甚至可以挽救生命。


「然后呢?」渔夫问道。


「然后你可以花很多时间陪伴家人,」这名游客回答说。「但是,你可以给这个世界带来不同。你可以发挥自己的才华,喂饱一些贫穷的孩子,而不是整天无所事事。」


老师让学生们把这个寓言运用到自己生活中。对你来说,什么更重要?是拥有很少的财富,从传统意义上讲不是很成功,但是轻松愉快,有时间陪家人?还是努力工作,也许开个公司,甚至可能在这个过程中让世界变得更美好?



通常,这个简单的寓言故事会引发非常不同的意见。


这些讨论鼓励学生思考对他们来说什么是真正重要的东西,我们每个人感觉自己对身边社区可能亏欠或不亏欠的东西——这些想法可以让学生们在整个大学期间受益。


我们时常需要检视自己的生命历程,当思想的重负明显拖慢了逐梦的速度时,要懂得在适当的时候停下来把一切归零,重新思考,我期待的生活是什么样,我的核心价值观里,哪些对我来说最重要,我过去一段时间做了什么,每天业余的生活,是不是引导我走在正确的路上,我对于服务他人的热情有多少,我还有哪些地方做得不够......


这种梳理,无疑会让你越来越清楚自己的目标。


Richard J. Light 也说,当三年后回访参与者时,几乎所有人都报告称,那些讨论很有价值,有助于让大学成为一段转折性的经历——大学本来就该是这样。

英文原文:


Imagine you are Dean for a Day. What is one actionable change you would implement to enhance the college experience on campus?

I have asked students this question for years. The answers can be eye-opening. A few years ago, the responses began to move away from “tweak the history course” or “change the ways labs are structured.” A different commentary, about learning to live wisely, has emerged.

What does it mean to live a good life? What about a productive life? How about a happy life? How might I think about these ideas if the answers conflict with one another? And how do I use my time here at college to build on the answers to these tough questions?

A number of campuses have recently started to offer an opportunity for students to grapple with these questions. On my campus, Harvard, a small group of faculty members and deans created a noncredit seminar called “Reflecting on Your Life.” The format is simple: three 90-minute discussion sessions for groups of 12 first-year students, led by faculty members, advisers or deans. Well over 100 students participate each year.

Here are five exercises that students find particularly engaging. Each is designed to help freshmen identify their goals and reflect systematically about various aspects of their personal lives, and to connect what they discover to what they actually do at college.

1. For the first exercise, we ask students to make a list of how they want to spend their time at college. What matters to you? This might be going to class, studying, spending time with close friends, perhaps volunteering in the off-campus community or reading books not on any course’s required reading list. Then students make a list of how they actually spent their time, on average, each day over the past week and match the two lists.

Finally, we pose the question: How well do your commitments actually match your goals?

A few students find a strong overlap between the lists. The majority don’t. They are stunned and dismayed to discover they are spending much of their precious time on activities they don’t value highly. The challenge is how to align your time commitments to reflect your personal convictions.

2. Deciding on a major can be amazingly difficult. One student in our group was having a hard time choosing between government and science. How was she spending her spare time? She described being active in the Institute of Politics, running the Model U.N. and writing regularly for The Political Review. The discussion leader noted that she hadn’t mentioned the word “lab” in her summary. “Labs?” replied the student, looking incredulous. “Why would I mention labs when talking about my spare time?” Half an hour after the session, the group leader got an email thanking him for posing the question.

3. I call this the Broad vs. Deep Exercise. If you could become extraordinarily good at one thing versus being pretty good at many things, which approach would you choose? We invite students to think about how to organize their college life to follow their chosen path in a purposeful way.

4. In the Core Values Exercise, students are presented with a sheet of paper with about 25 words on it. The words include “dignity,” “love,” “fame,” “family,” “excellence,” “wealth” and “wisdom.” They are told to circle the five words that best describe their core values. Now, we ask, how might you deal with a situation where your core values come into conflict with one another? 

Students find this question particularly difficult. One student brought up his own personal dilemma: He wants to be a surgeon, and he also wants to have a large family. So his core values included the words “useful” and “family.” He said he worries a lot whether he could be a successful surgeon while also being a devoted father. Students couldn’t stop talking about this example, as many saw themselves facing a similar challenge.

5. This exercise presents the parable of a happy fisherman living a simple life on a small island. The fellow goes fishing for a few hours every day. He catches a few fish, sells them to his friends, and enjoys spending the rest of the day with his wife and children, and napping. He couldn’t imagine changing a thing in his relaxed and easy life.

Let’s tweak the parable: A recent M.B.A. visits this island and quickly sees how this fisherman could become rich. He could catch more fish, start up a business, market the fish, open a cannery, maybe even issue an I.P.O. Ultimately he would become truly successful. He could donate some of his fish to hungry children worldwide and might even save lives.

“And then what?” asks the fisherman.

“Then you could spend lots of time with your family,” replies the visitor. “Yet you would have made a difference in the world. You would have used your talents, and fed some poor children, instead of just lying around all day.”

We ask students to apply this parable to their own lives. Is it more important to you to have little, be less traditionally successful, yet be relaxed and happy and spend time with family? Or is it more important to you to work hard, perhaps start a business, maybe even make the world a better place along the way?

Typically, this simple parable leads to substantial disagreement. These discussions encourage first-year undergraduates to think about what really matters to them, and what each of us feels we might owe, or not owe, to the broader community — ideas that our students can capitalize on throughout their time at college.

At the end of our sessions, I say to my group: “Tell me one thing you have changed your mind about this year,” and many responses reflect a remarkable level of introspection. Three years later, when we check in with participants, nearly all report that the discussions had been valuable, a step toward turning college into the transformational experience it is meant to be.




倡导理性阅读,离美帝更近一步

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