In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?
Now a days, a lot of people around the world are starting families much later. Greater opportunities to progress career-wise and the increase of living expenses are reasons for this. The benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks.
［这个introduction很是简单，短短36个单词，不但给出了造成问题中现象的两个理由，同时给出了作者的观点——优点大于缺点。组建家庭可以用start families来表达，是不是不那么常见呢？更佳的职业发展的另一个说法是progress career-wise，drawback可以作为disadvantage的替换词哦～同学们可以多多积累这些用法哦！］
People are having children when they are older as women have been given greater professional opportunities than in the past, affecting their time to potentially raise a family. Only until recently, women have been afforded equal rights as men for better positions at workplaces. Not only are they able to ascend to more senior roles, but they are also given equal pay rights as men. As mothers traditionally tend to be the main childraisers in households, this chance to thrive at workplaces would inadvertently lead to longer working hours and less time to raise a family.
［这一段针对第一个原因展开讨论。作者的论述，层层推进，从女性相较过去有了更好的职业机会作为中心，加以客观事实——女性常常作为孩子的主要养育者，从而得出结论，女性的职业发展延后了养育第一个孩子的年龄。从段首到段末紧贴论点，不忘此文的topic。值得注意的是，这一段中，用了不少被动语态和完成时，例如，have been given，have been afforded等等。同位语的出现（affecting their time）更是精彩。这种句子结构和语法的多元化，展现了作者良好的功底，为文章增色不少。也是不少同学要学习的。］
Another reason why people are having children later in life is because of rising expenses associated with raising a child, especially in cities. As costs increase to live in metropolitan areas, it simultaneously affects the affordability to raise offspring. For instance, Australian families pay a minimum of $100 for childcare each day which necessitates two working parents to be able to sustain this. As school fees for children also increase as they grow older, it makes it an even more expensive affair. Hence, because of the lack of afford ability, couples are starting families later.
［除了besides，in addition还有什么其他连接词？another reason why就是。非常简单，但对于全文的流畅度却起不小的作用。Associated with的使用，简化了句子结构，读者阅读时觉得简洁，不累赘。另外，具体例子和细节的给出，加强了说服力和逻辑性。children，kids重复太多次怎么办？作者用了offspring，小伙伴们记住了吗？］
The pros of having children later definitely outweigh the cons. Whilst the disadvantage of having children later increases the risks of deformities in babies, medical technology has advanced significantly to allow couples to plan ahead and even potentially decrease this risk. In saying so, the aforementioned societal shift in gender equality is a great step forward for women with the proliferation of greater opportunities. Relatively speaking, this progression supersedes the disadvantages by far.
［作者在这段中简述了为什么优点大于缺点。虽然年龄变大，婴儿畸形的可能性变大，但医疗科技的发展可以解决一部分的风险。更进一步，从社会性别平等的角度而言，女性需要更好的职业机会。作者的用词相当严谨，in saying so和relatively speaking展现了其推理的过程。同时，在这段中，优缺点的用词没有重复，分别是pro & con, progression & disadvantages.］
In conclusion, the fact that women are given the potential to excel in their careers in society nowadays are definite highlights that outweigh having children later.